Sweet Dreams
by AStitchedUpHeart
Summary: They say that you stop dreaming once your reality is better, but what if it's not? What if your dreams are /so/ much better?


_**Written for Camp Potter: First Aid Week 1, the Mix and Match challenge, the Diagon Alley Fic Crawl Challenge: Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour and the Popular Song Competition: Off To The Races**_

**A.N - Also written for Ami, because her (warped) mind thought of this pairing**

**Warnings: Contains substance abuse (sort of) and suicide.**

**Sweet Dreams**

_Drip. Drip. Drip._

_The raindrops echo as they fall from the grey buildings onto the cracked pavements below. You're standing on your own in the middle of an alleyway. It doesn't feel natural to you; you should be in the shadows, where you normally are. You look around your surroundings, trying to work out why you're here of all places. Nothing screams out to you in recognition, it's just a generic alley. As soon as you think that, a figure emerges from behind the mask of the rain. You can't distinguish the person. You only know that it's a male, and that he's tall. He stops dead when he sees you, doesn't move a limb, and if it wasn't for the fact that he was standing you'd wonder whether he was alive or not. Suddenly he turns and walks away, with a deliberate walk and his back straight._

_'Hey!' you shout. 'Come back!' _

_You reach after him but your world fades..._

You wake with your hand outstretched. It's still dark. A stray beam of moonlight filters through the small gap in the curtains. Confusion crosses your mind until your dream comes back to you: the alley, the mist, the figure. You drop your hand and look around your bedroom. Everything is the same, including the blonde hair of Victoire sleeping peacefully next to you. You shake your head. It was just a dream, yet it felt so real...

You're eating your breakfast when Victoire finds you in the morning.

'You're up early. What's up, Teddy?'

'Strange dream, Vic, couldn't get back to sleep after. Nothing to worry about though. Aren't we meant to be planning our holiday today anyway?' you say, pushing all thoughts of your dream out of your mind.

'Oh yes! I was thinking Marbella? Or is that too Muggle for you Ted?' she teases. You laugh back at her and tell her that Marbella is fine.

You visit that dream world many times over the next few weeks. It's always the same, an alley with the mysterious figure. You find that you can't move towards him, no matter how much you struggle against the invisible tether.

_Splash. Splash. Splash._

_The person's footsteps echo in the puddles as he walks towards you. You wait for him in anticipation, he's beginning to become clearer now. His hair is dark, he's wearing a Hogwarts uniform (that confuses you) with a shiny green serpent upon his chest, he's pale. Until suddenly, he's stood in front of you. He's a boy no older than sixteen and he's very good looking, even you can admit that. His eyes, though, are old. They seem too deep to belong to such a young boy. They hold a depth that captivates you and you can't seem to look away. _

_'Hello,' you say uncertainly, unsure whether he'll respond to you._

_'Hello,' he replies in a monotonous voice. 'I'm Tom, who're you?'_

_'Teddy. Teddy Lupin.'_

_'It's nice to meet you Teddy Lupin,' he says. Before, once again, the world dissolves..._

Your eyes snap open. He spoke to you. You've been waiting for this, to hear what his voice sounds like. Yet, it's a bittersweet feeling; he doesn't sound right to you. You expect a young boy's voice but he speaks with the feeling of an old man. You can't help but feel sorry for the unknown Tom.

In the next few dreams you begin to hold a conversation with Tom. He's very charming and easy to talk to. You find yourself telling him things you've never told anyone, not even Victoire. Each time this happens you wake up feeling very confused and you put your arms around your girlfriend and hold her tighter.

_Drip. Drip. Drip._

_The raindrops fall from his face (it's always raining). They're interspersed with his teardrops as he tells you tale after harrowing tale from his childhood. Brought up in an orphanage, he was bullied for being different, picked on because he was strange. You sympathise with him, you tell him that you're an orphan too, and you even tell him about the times that some Slytherins bullied you for being the son of a werewolf. He tells you that you're brave for not letting them get to you. You tell him the same but he cuts you off._

_'But I did let them get to me. I hurt them, I made them pay for what they said, for what they did. They never bothered me again after I dealt with them.'_

_'What did you do to them?' you find yourself whispering._

_'I made them regret everything bad thing they ever did to me,' he says simply, and you have the sense not to question him any further._

_The topic changes to how they became orphans._

_'My parents died in battle,' you tell him proudly. 'I was only just born.'_

_'My mother died as she gave birth to me. My father didn't want me. He only died a month ago.'_

_'Oh no! What happened to him?'_

_'I killed him.' Before you can recoil away, the world fades..._

You wake up gasping for breath. You don't know why but his words affect you, more than they should.

'Everything ok, Teddy?' Victoire asks you groggily.

'Yeah, go back to sleep Vic.' She rolls back over and is soon fast asleep again. You can't sleep though, you're afraid of what might happen the next time you see Tom.

_Splash. Splash. Splash._

_You run through the puddles, away from Tom, but you can still hear him, hear the gruesome tale of how he killed his father._

_'Why don't you want to listen, Teddy? Are you too innocent for this? Too innocent to hear how I took every bit of life from the man who gave me life? He was scared, didn't know what I was going to do... He didn't believe that I could kill him with my "stick of wood"... Ha! If he could know half of the things I could do... I played with him... It was too much fun, watching his reaction to everything I said... And when I got bored, I killed him... It was his fault, he was a filthy Muggle...'_

_The words keep on coming. The faster you run, the quicker he catches up with you. You try to ignore everything he says but his voice draws you in. You are caught in your own dilemma: you want to hear him but not hear what he has to say..._

You're out of breath when you wake; that dream felt too real to you.

You're afraid to sleep now, too scared of what will await you in that alleyway. You don't sleep for the next three days. Victoire's concerned about you. She invites Harry round, hoping that he might talk sense into you. You barely hear what they're saying even though you're sitting opposite them.

'I don't know what to do, Uncle Harry...'

'... not sleeping...'

'... fragile...'

'... nightmares...'

'Teddy?'

'Teddy!'

Your head snaps up and you stare at your godfather with wild eyes. He looks shocked at your appearance and forces you to look at yourself in the mirror. You barely recognise yourself. Dark bags are hanging under your dim eyes, your hair lies limp, and there's stubble lining your chin. Harry orders you to bed. You comply but lie there, eyes wide open, determined not to sleep. Soon though, you can't help but feel weary and your eyelids droop. You try to stop them but you're already on your way to the alleyway.

_Drip. Drip. Drip._

_Tears slide down your face as he holds you. You tell him to leave but he won't. He tries to apologise for scaring you but you don't listen. You scream at him to let you go, but he doesn't. He tries to comfort you, his hands touching your arms, your chest, your face. His touch becomes gentler, and he's soon caressing your face. His long, thin fingers trace your jaw line and he rubs his thumb over your lips. _

_You look into his eyes, seeing a whole new side to him. You didn't realise he could have such a gentle side. He seems too harsh to be able to have such careful hands. He seems to be drawing closer to you. You close your eyes in expectation..._

When you open your eyes again, you're not facing Tom, but Victoire. You can't help but feel a little disappointed. She's talking constantly about how pleased she is that you've finally slept, but all you can think of is that almost-kiss with your dream Tom.

You don't visit the alleyway again in your dreams. You begin to get back into your old routine: wake, eat, talk, sex. It all feels like it used to, apart from the fact that all you can think of is doing all these things with Tom.

You soon begin to miss all the nights you share with him. You don't understand why you can't get back there. Is it a punishment for you not accepting what Tom told you? Maybe you're not sleeping deeply enough anymore.

You owl order the apothecary with a request for the strongest sleep option available, with the hope that it will transport you back to that alleyway. The wait for your order to arrive is terrible, you're up all night, once again, fidgeting. You have to move to the sofa after waking Victoire up more than once.

_Splash. Splash. Splash._

_You run towards him. His arms await you. You collapse into them and whisper your apologies that you've only just made it back to him._

_'I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Tom. I've missed you like crazy,' you say to him as he holds you._

_'I've missed you too, Teddy Lupin,' he replies stiffly. You break away from him, and look into his dark eyes._

_'What's wrong, Tom? Did I do something?'_

_'It's... nothing, Teddy. I'm just glad you're back. Now can we finish what we started?'_

_You nod, and your excitement levels rise. You wait for him to make the first move, but he doesn't, so you take the initiative and move slowly towards him. He closes his eyes and you touch his lips with your own. The feeling is unlike anything you've known before. You thought his lips would be rough but no, they're smooth, almost as smooth as Victoire's. As that thought runs through your mind, you realise that, in this moment, that you don't care for the girl, and that doesn't bother you nearly as much as it should. _

_You're wary about how far to take this kiss, but his tongue soon pushes against your closed lips. You allow him access and he begins to explore your mouth, little gasps escaping from you as he nibbles along your lower lip. He's rough and you find that you like it. You go to grab a handful of his hair but you reach straight through him as the world disbands..._

You wake with as sense of disappointment but also accomplishment. You were enjoying being with him way too much, but you now know how to get back to the alleyway. You try to order more sleep potions, but the number you can order is restricted without a medic's note. The nights where you haven't taken any potion are always terrible for both you and Victoire. You thrash around in your sleep, trying to run from the darkness that you see. Victoire pushes you out many times and you are forced onto the sofa yet again. Things are strained between the two of you now. She doesn't understand what you're doing and you have no intention of telling her. Your days are filled with rows and mindless make-up sex, during which you can only see Tom.

You're soon forced into the black market to get the potions you so need. You make trips into Knockturn Alley with your hood held close around your face as you meet with faceless, nameless stranger after stranger.

_Drip. Drip. Drip_

_The raindrops fall off the bare skin of your torso onto the ground below. Tom runs his hands down your chest, slowly, seductively until he reaches your trousers. He begins to unbuckle them with skilled hands._

_'I can be your... everything,' he whispers in your ear, in between placing small kisses over every sensitive patch of skin on your neck._

_'I know,' you moan as he kisses a particularly sensitive part. 'I want you to -'_

_'Then you need to finish it with that girl of yours. She's not important to you, not as important as me. I want to be yours... exclusively'_

_'Yes, Tom,' you reply. 'I will... anything for you.' _

_His hands have unbuckled your trousers now, and he starts to caress you through your underwear._

_'Make sure you do...'_

'Yes,' you say as you wake. You open your eyes to find them full of tears. Tears from having to leave Tom in the dream, and from what you are about to do.

'Vic,' you say later in the afternoon. 'I need to talk to you.'

'What is it, Teddy? I've had enough of your mood swings recently.'

'I have to finish with you.'

'Have?' she shrieks. 'Why do you "have" to, Teddy?'

'I've met someone else... he's the man of my dreams,' you say with a wry smile.

'He?' she repeats faintly.

'Yes, he. I'm sorry, Victoire but this is the way it's got to be.'

'Yesterday you were fine. How has this changed, Teddy? Think about that.'

She looks at you one final time and you see tears spill out of her eyes as she turns and slams the door behind her. You sigh, a deep sigh and walk to your room to find your sleep potion. There's only one person who can comfort you right now.

_Splash. Splash. Splash._

_The rain falls heavier as you try to find Tom. You see him eventually, hidden under an over-hang, staring into the distance._

_'I did it, Tom,' you say. 'I broke up with her, I hope you're happy; I really loved her.'_

_'But not as much as you love me,' he says as he strokes your face. Instantly, you feel captivated by him and your reply is immediate._

_'No. I love you more. I always will...'_

_'Good.'_

_You begin to explore each other more than you have ever before. Without the lingering thought of Victoire, you're free to enjoy his touches more. His hands wander and you feel yourself trembling under his touch. You want him so badly. You become more eager, you start to pull at his shirt but he pushes you back._

_'I want you here with me permanently, Teddy,' he says as his eyes bore into you with contained ferocity._

_'Don't be stupid,' you reply as you reach for him again. 'I can't stay here all the time. I have to wake up.'_

_'Well, find a way so you don't have to...'_

_His face fades from you._

His words ring in your mind for the rest of the day. You want to be with him but he's only there in your mind. You need to find a way. His touches always leave you wanting more and if you didn't have to go back to reality...

Suddenly, something clicks within you. It's crazy and stupid but it might just work, if only you could just bring yourself to do it. You need a way in which you'll never wake up, but is Tom really worth it? As soon as that thought crosses your mind, you mentally scold yourself for even thinking it: of course he is. As you make your way downstairs your mind wanders to all the people who have ever mattered to you: Harry, Grandma Andromeda, Victoire... and you decide that perhaps what you are just about to do is stupid.

You close your eyes trying to rid yourself of the images of all the people you've ever cared about, and almost unconsciously, Tom comes to the forefront. You honestly don't think that you can put up with having stolen moments with him. You need to be beside him constantly. It's that thought that holds your nerve as you pick up a knife from the kitchen drawer. You look out the window and see the sunshine. This could be the last time that you see it before living forever in a dark alleyway. You carefully position the knife over your wrist and close your eyes, filling them with his perfect image. It's the last thing you ever see.

'I'll see you soon, Tom,' you say, before swinging the knife downwards.

_Splash._

_Drip... Drip... Drip_

**A.N - Thanks a million to the wonderful Paula for beta-ing this!**


End file.
